Up To Date With Ethan Callender Entry 16: Of Minor Concern

 Up To Date with Ethan Callender Entry 16: Of Minor Concern

Disclaimer: This entry discusses themes of what are likely sexual crimes. If this affects you, please proceed with caution.

So, Florida Man has gotten into politics, I see? All kidding aside, Rep. Matt Gaetz, a Republican from that state, is looking well and truly screwed. To sum it up, he is under federal investigation for a litany of possible sexual crimes, including paying for a 17-year-old girl’s travel. This is in association with the investigation of a prominent political ally of Gaetz’s, one Joel Greenberg, who is under investigation for some of the same acts (among many others). The investigations are at the federal level, and it began even before Biden took office. Also, there are other scummy behaviors he has exhibited that are not even part of the initial Justice Department inquiry. It’s a complicated scandal, and there’s a lot to get in to.

Joel Greenberg, the aforementioned Gaetz ally, is an odd person, to say the least. His political experience was as a tax collector in a Florida county north of Orlando, and his rap sheet at the moment is a mile long. The list of charges includes such colorful crimes as abusing his office to create fake IDs (you know, like McLovin) and embezzling money from the office to invest it in cryptocurrency (dumb idea). Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the charge of trafficking a child (WTF?!). 

Then, there’s how Greenberg and Gaetz may have conducted their personal lives, and this is where things get awkward. The gist of it is that they used a website called Seeking Arrangements to find women to land. The site specifically connects their clients to men with money, so as to facilitate what is called a “sugar daddy” relationship. To put it bluntly, it’s built on giving gifts and money to keep the girl with the giver. In other words, it’s manipulative as f***, no pun intended. There is also this law called the Mann Act, which prohibits exactly what Greenberg and Gaetz are accused of: prostitution across state lines.

Finally, there is evidence that Gaetz knew this was coming all along. Back when Trump was still in office, Gaetz asked the then-President for a preemptive pardon that surely wouldn’t have been fishy at all. Nothing to see here, am I right? All kidding aside, the pardon was never seriously considered due to Trump’s lawyers, who told him that such actions were off the table. Nevertheless, this is troubling, and quite possibly the first sign of his guilt. What I mean is that a Congressman wouldn’t ask the President for a pardon if he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not great logic legally, but it’ll do for now.

So what happens to Gaetz’s career now? He seemed like a promising, rising figure within the GOP, but this has obviously put a damper on that. Right before the scandal, he mused about getting a media job, but that ship seems to have sailed. Well, like I said in the intro, it would take a miracle for Gaetz to not be completely screwed. He is yet another tool of a politician who let his tool do all the thinking. The lesson of today’s story is simply not to be a dick, and not to let it act as a brain, either. Next time on this series, I hope to cover the Derek Chauvin trial. See you then.

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